Cold Memories

[River Tam]

*River nearly flung herself into the room that she had adopted as her own. She sank to her knees, one leg pushing outward, her head lowered. She hated the tears, they burned at her cheeks and kept an ever going stream. Her chest heaved, her emotions getting the better of her. She pressed her hands against the cool floor, trying to keep her lips pressed together, holding in a sob.

Memories flashed past her. Fabric torn, skin exposed. Throbbing, aching pain. A lesson...a lesson, that's what they called it. It wasn't a lesson...even her fragile mind had known it wasn't a lesson. A word for it she could not grasp...but a lesson? Not a lesson...pain, only pain. Screams echoed through her mind...her screams. Screams that haunted her.

Her hands flew up to her hair, grasping at it, yanking at the long and tangled strands. She had to make it stop...make the memories fade again...make them go away. She didn't want to remember her lessons. She wished she could forget them forever*

[Simon Tam]

Simon was walking back towards the infirmary when he heard small whimpering sounds coming from one of the passenger dorms. "River," he said, automatically going to her room. He looked in at her through the crack between the door and the frame. She was huddled on the floor, her shoulders heaving, tugging furiously at her dark hair.

Immediately, he pushed open the door and entered her room. He got on his knees in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to get her to sit up. "Mei mei," he began, squeezing her shoulders reassuringly. "What's wrong?"

It tore Simon up that he couldn't be of more help to his sister. She didn't need much medicine these days, not since the Miranda incident as everyone was calling it. That didn't mean she still didn't need help. Help he was unable to give, more than anything, comfort he was unable to adequately give. He had not had the experiences she had gone through, not in life, nor in the Academy. He always seemed ill-equipped to deal with what she was feeling whenever she had flashbacks to her time in the Academy, as that was what this undoubtedly was.

[River Tam]

Don't touch me! *She recoiled back from him, yanking away as quick as she could. She had screamed that many times, whenever the cold hands grabbed at her, yanked her towards the 'teacher.' Hands that helped steal her childhood away from her...her innocence stolen with several unloving thrusts.

She glanced up, looking through a curtain of raven hair, staring at the man. It took her a moment before she registered that it was Simon...her guiding light. Her hand moved to her face, wiping away her tears. He was like an anchor...keeping her from sinking into the past. The whole crew was as well...but he was the first. The one who saved her.

She sniffled, not looking back at him. He must have been so disappointed in her. It had been monthes since she broke down, and now he was looking at her with the same concerned and worried eyes she had grown accustom to during her first few monthes on Serenity*

[Simon Tam]

Don't touch me!

Simon jerked his hands off of her almost instantly, as if he had been burned. He was almost hurt, but remembered that this was normal for River. When she was caught in a flood of her memories, no one could really get close.

"I-I'm sorry," he stuttered, not knowing what else to say. "River," he said, looking directly at her. "What's wrong?"

[River Tam]

*She shut her eyes, forcing the memories to go away. She hated that the had suddenly resurfaced, and so fast. She took in a shakey breath*

It's nothing...nothing *She whispered, her hand moving to rub up and down her arm, a horrible nervous habit she acquired long ago. She finally opened her eyes and looked to him, a pitiful expression on her face* I'm sorry...*She whispered*

[Simon Tam]

It's nothing...nothing. I'm sorry...

Simon shook his head. "It's alright, mei mei," he said, brushing an errant strand of his sister's hair. It seemed as though she always had hair in her face. He knew that that was an unconscious way of hiding herself from the world. An unconscious way of putting a "shield" up, as well.

She had plenty to be shielding herself from. Simon knew he would never know the full extent of it either. It was very hard to pry things from River. Always had been. When she wanted you to know something, she would tell you, or give you riddles to try and figure it out yourself.

"What triggered it?" he asked, against his better judgement. "Do you remember?" He smiled a bit and added, "If I'm being too nosy, just tell me, ok?"

[River Tam]

*She shook her head, wiping away the remainder of her tears* I was...talking with Inara. Just started thinkin'...my own fault.

*She glanced back to him, a small smile forming* Your always too nosy, what's too stop you now? *It was nothing but the truth. He always asked questions, sometimes one's where she didn't feel comfortible at all answering. Ones about the academy, usually.

She had never told him about the lessons in the dark. She never planned to*

[Simon Tam]

I was...talking with Inara. Just started thinkin'...my own fault. You're always too nosy, what's to stop you now?

Simon grinned and laughed a bit. There was the old River he knew. Her smiles always comforted him.

"What were you talking with Inara about?" It seemed that once he started asking questions, he couldn't stop.

[River Tam]

Cookies *She wasn't going to say what she was really talking to Inara about. If she mentioned that she was discussing men with the companion, Simon would have a fit.

If she mentioned it was one particular man, Jayne, she was sure Simon would have a heart attack. She crossed her arms, giving him a smug look* It's private Simon, you wouldn't be interested. Trust me

[Simon Tam]

Simon nodded. "I've been hearing that a lot lately." He heard it from Kaylee almost daily and now he was hearing it from River.

He sighed and stood up. Everyone seemed to be shutting him out. He hoped it wasn't the beginning of a trend. "Are you feeling better?" he asked.

[River Tam]

*She tilted her head, raising an eyebrow at her brother. Something was wrong, and she was ignoring the whispers, as best she could. She wanted him to tell her... she didn't want to just find out.* Oh?

*She smiled, scooting closer to him. She leaned forward, kissing his cheek gently, before pushing herself off of the floor* Much *She extended a hand to him*

[Simon Tam]

Much.

"Well that's good to hear," Simon said, taking her hand in his. He put an arm around her shoulder, kissing her on the forehead.

"I hear there's a delay with landing on Persephone. I imagine Mal's busy tearing Badger a new one." Simon had met that man once, and what he remembered of him and his thugs, he didn't much like. 'Course, Simon didn't much like people he thought were unscrupulous. Hence his initial dislike for most of this crew.

[River Tam]

*She smiled, leaning into Simon, resting her head against his chest. She nodded her head*

Delay. No Job. *She stared down at the floor, calm for the moment. She enjoyed having her brother around, he was the only family she did have left afterall. But sometime's she wished he'd back off...focus on living his life, instead of worrying about hers.* Unless Mal decides to take the Sheep position *She glanced to him* Doubtful *She giggled a bit*

[Simon Tam]

Simon laughed at that, a loud laugh this time. River had been talking to him about them herding sheep to other planets, much like they had done with the cows to Jiangyin. That particular trip was still embedded in Simon's memory, as he and River had almost been burned as witches. Though, he couldn't not ignore the fact that River had been right about the things she had said, at least, judging from the townspeople's reactions.

"That is pretty doutbful, mei mei," he said. "You remember the state of the cargo bay with the cows? Imagine how bad it would be with sheep."

[River Tam]

I like Sheep. Little lambs...always stay together *She shrugged, pulling from him. She gave him a little wicked smile, before motioning to the door*

You Should be with Kaylee right now...I'm fine *She moved over to sit on her bed* Tell her I say hello *She snatched up on of her cushions, hugging it close, watching him*